I wonder…

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I wonder what it is about me that allows tiny, imagined problems or complications to take on ominous, imagined proportions.

I wonder what it is about my mind.
Because I am not my anxious thoughts
Though I feel very much so on occasion

I wonder if it really could be just a matter of habit
Years of neurological grooves and synapses
Habits of thinking gone rogue

For someone who values logic and thoughtful inquiry
I can be somewhat random and childish in my approach to uncertainty
I understand it intellectually, the futility of circular thinking,
It is putting it into practice that is uneven and choppy

It is an intermittent phenomenon
For years, sometimes, I rise above or around or under these agitated propensities
Then I drift back to the patterns of my youth
To a time when I gained knowledge but lacked wisdom

I now have perspective
Experience abounds
Context and hope
So, there’s that
I do believe I often stumble upon the center, the calm, the way to the path to wisdom

But I struggle with something,
It impedes my progress
I wonder what it is.

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2 responses to “I wonder…

  1. I have a friend who does the same. In his case it is a result of lack of appropriate parenting at critical times. No one taught him how to differentiate between small things and big ones so he makes everything big so he can deal with it. Might that be your issue?

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  2. Interesting possibility, but I don’t know if that’s it. I feel like I’d rather have things be small and deal with the small stuff. My parents were pretty good about helping me see the difference and deal with things as they come along. Somewhere along the way I seem to occasionally get off track — like the tightrope walker who forgets and looks down…..I tend to be okay as long as I take it one step at a time.

    Thanks for the input….I really like getting suggestions and new perspectives and possiblities.

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