As I considered the possibilities, it occurred to me that the situation might resolve itself without my help. Before I took any decisive action, I wanted to be sure I didn’t make things worse. Could it get any worse? Did I doubt the answer to that question? EVERYTHING could always get worse. For years, that had been my mantra, as it were: things could be worse, things might be worse, things will most likely be worse. Gradually, I had been trying to change this mantra and move towards a more upbeat attitude, but change is not easy and I had literally decades of neurological pathways devoted to etching in tragic scenarios. How could I fight that? I didn’t know, although I’d certainly read enough books about how to let it be and just be and let it go and get calm. Just when I would think I was out of the anxiety loop, something pulled me back in. Keeping on track is something I did well. Leaving the track was more of a problem for me and sometimes leaving is the best thing to do. Maybe that’s the key here since it looked like I may have worn out my welcome. No, no, leaving wasn’t the key at all and avoidance strategies were to be avoided at all costs. On occasion I would suppose that life was supposed to be easy, which simply defies logic. Problems come and go, though, and my actions or lack there-of often proved inconsequential. Quite often in fact. Routinely, when I thought of a scathingly brilliant move, something would shift or somebody else made a move and things settled into place without me lifting a finger or even a neurological pathway. Sadly and suddenly, it seemed that my time was short and my options limited.
There was only one sure thing that surfaced in almost every scenario, and that was uncertainty. Uncertainty, which I vehemently resisted at every opportunity . Vainly, I fought, as it turned out. Warily and wearily, I feared the worst. X-factors always bothered me, but now I was going to embrace the unknown. Yes, experience indicated that my fears seldom materialized, so I considered expecting something good. Zen-like I smiled and accepted that I didn’t know enough to be so fiercely discombobulated, and I relaxed a little bit as I considered the possibility, that something essentially wonderful was about to happen.