Sometimes I wish I would take the opportunity to just shut up.
Politically speaking, I feel compelled to speak my mind and the fact is, people don’t always need to know my opinion.
Yet, when I hear a pronouncement that rankles my senses, I notice that I am sharing my reactions. Then I feel, hmm, what is it I feel? That I’ve said too much? That someone might think I’m off base or impolite or dopey? Well, the fact is, sometimes maybe I am too talky, but my intentions are not to be speaking out of turn; sometimes I just want to know the logic, or lack thereof, of someone’s viewpoint.
A few days, a few hours, a few minutes, a few seconds from now, no one will care; in fact they likely already don’t care, or never did. Time passes; we all move on.
Maybe next time, I won’t take the bait. I’ll let the other guy state his view and let it be, because even if I think a person might try to look at things from another point of view — it ain’t gonna happen. And maybe not responding would be the best response to the button-pushing individuals. If they ask me what I think, maybe then I could speak.
It’s not always the time or place to discuss politics and I don’t usually bring it up — I used to do that, but now I hardly ever do, so I’ve made progress. Maybe I’ll make more progress. For me. Because I will then stop beating myself up for expressing my thoughts.
I go to extremes: from somehow being ashamed for stepping into the vortex of discussing irreconcilable differences and feeling undisciplined OR I get to thinking that it’s like throwing pearls before swine to give my take on a subject. I am all or nothing; nothing or all. The truth is somewhere in between
I’m not where I want to be, but at least I am not where I used to be. Progress is visible, but slow. Maybe this is a turning point. I could have a turning point — you don’t know.
I comfort my slightly caffeinated mind with the fact that my intentions are good. I am trying to be considerate and appropriate; so there’s that. BUT what if I am not always appropriate?! Would that be so bad? I don’t think it would. I need to keep it in perspective. It hardly matters. (Didn’t Buddha or somebody like that say that nothing you do matters, but it is very important that you do it?) And just because it doesn’t matter, that doesn’t mean I won’t over-think it. It’s what I do. Hardly a surprise.
It’s a big burden to take on — to be so very acceptable at all times. I think I shall let it go. Because that’s how we roll in the shire. Eventually.