Every time I think I’m fine
for now and the rest of my life
my mind slips back into its old familiar ways.
How do I defy such a tenacious challenger?
It seems to hold all the cards
and can scare me with a shadow,
sending me scurrying in circles.
I don’t like to believe this to be true of me —
that I am sometimes afraid of things;
things I cannot predict though I struggle mightily;
but I have to give myself high marks for bravery,
because I do not retreat.
I mostly live with a sense of joy and appreciation
which feels so essential and so good
I don’t want to retreat from this state of being,
or to stumble into fear in the face of uncertainty
And so I wish to discourage the over-protective warnings
chattering at me from behind;
chattering at me from my incessant, misguided, irrepressible mind;
luring me down the old worn paths trudged in days gone by
A wisp of hope is all I need. All I need to carry on.
I take some sustenance from these words from Thoreau — he offers hope. I will not give up:
“As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.”