Marching by Myself

I felt light yesterday

the sun shone and called me away

Today jumped in and turned it all inside out

the sun lurked sullenly behind the rain clouds

and it’s not easy to have the sun out there

all lurk-y and sullen

just beyond reach

And it’s not easy to be at odds with it all

marching to a different drummer

every

single

time

 

 

Kicks

 I’m consistently trying to figure things out

I wonder and wander through pages of doubt

After resolving an issue or two

Seventeen others arise into view

It’s exasperating and challenging and stupid and fun

with all sorts of emotions rolled into one

Mostly, I’m grateful for how things unfold

It could all wind up tragic

if truth would be told

Surely that’s life

It goes up

It goes down

My goal is to greet it with less of a frown

We are all kinds of brave as we face-off each trial

and our arms are wide open as life kicks us a smile

 

 

 

Back to Peace

Wake up happy

Wake up sad

Think of all the good we had

Why spend so much time feeling bad?

Sometimes sad just seems to find me

Grabs me up and takes me down

Shakes me up and lets me frown

In random moments I remember

to bring my thoughts away from me

Do something fun or complicated

Let time pass with concentration

and trust I will get back to peace

 

On Mother’s Day

Time goes clacking along

Day after day after day

It clacks and carries on

As if I am not even here

And yet, I am

 

 

What is the Point?

Sketchy at best

Unpredictable and blurry

All the ways we are blessed

Can be gone in a hurry

And yet we persist

and we try not to worry

(which, by the way, is not an easy task)

Still,  what is the point?

(I almost forgot to ask)

since life is what we have 

all amazing and quirky

Is it all about making

really good soup

and meeting who you meet

and running through snow

in your stocking feet?

(which you might want to try if you ever get the chance)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Be

I sense somehow

that I censor myself

so no-one can find out

But I don’t know

what it is

they might discover

When I just relax

and let it be

I tend to arrive

much closer to me

 

 

How About Now

When will I be so collected

as to be somewhat unaffected

by the uncertain and unexpected

When will I ever just accept it

Whether vulnerable or well-protected

Grasping the Cha Cha Cha

Something happens once you pass sixty years old.  Speaking for myself, you become more in tune with…..with…absolutely nothing.  Or at least it feels that way sometimes.  I keep waiting to become more in tune, but I’m 62 (or 63) now and I am still off-key and often tone deaf.

Any moment now all the wisdom and ease and acceptance should be kicking in.  Any moment now.  And yet…

I don’t even really get the cha-cha-cha step.  How is it done?  I see it – I observe the motion — I cannot grasp it in practice.  So how can I be expected to grasp the intricacies of existence?

It’s not that I’m giving up.  I won’t give up on the possibility of genuinely internalizing the wisdom I’ve come upon through the years.  I still believe I will grasp it on more than an occasional basis and it will enable me to just live; live, without all the second guessing and frantic speculation and bru-ha-ha.  But will I cha-cha?  I do not know.  I believe it could happen.

Passages

Noticing the passage of time

Reminds me of something….

….something…ephemeral

Mostly because I want to use the word ephemeral

Can’t quite settle on why that is

Who is this that I used to be?

Who is this that I’ve become?

 I think I’ve figured it out

And then

in a heartbeat

it’s gone

Youthful Aging

Why do we say, “Thank you,” when someone says we look young for our age?

Oh, excuse me, I’m so sorry.  I do apologize for looking my age.  My bad.  I should be better able to fend off pesky reality and appear to be 33 for all eternity.  If I had any gumption, or genuine aptitude, I could be less visibly aged.

Having said that,  I do love it when someone tells me I look young.  So, why is that?  Maybe because some of it is up to me.   If I make an effort to stand up straight and eat good food (a subject near and dear to my heart), and dance and sing and jump around even when I feel like slouching and announcing to anyone who is within earshot what a drag it is getting old, well then I can take some bit of pride in not looking painfully old in some quirky way.

But, I do think we might need to quit being sorry for aging because in reality we are the lucky ones, the ones who get to grow old and see what happens next.