Category Archives: Ruminating

Foreword

I’m just not in love with forewords to books.

I want to read the book itself not what someone I don’t even know thinks about it.

This might mean I’m not intellectual enough. But sometimes having someone dissect a work of art just seems condescending as if I won’t get it just by the author’s words. Might be insulting to the writer in a way.

If it needs a foreword, is it because the writer didn’t make things clear in the book?

I might like an “afterword” especially if I don’t feel like finishing a book that I’m not wild about and I want a summary of it. Or if it’s so great I want to have a conversation about it–even a remote one.

Sometimes I’ll read the foreword after i read the book–if it draws me in. I usually try reading the foreword up to the point I become exasperated. That tends to happen if it’s a long ordeal: write your own damn book why doncha’ ?

That’s my two cents!

Anyway…. I wonder what other people think about forewords? Helpful? What do you say, other people?

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Maybe

I need, for my own peace of mind,

to stop noticing with such determination

at least some of the unfairness out there

It’s unfair

It’s there

Get used to it

 

Looking for Light in the News of the Day

In light of the darkness of recent events

I am feeling befuddled

And mixed up and tense

I’ve grown tired of the pickets

on this particular fence

Too much manipulation

Too much pretense

Some days I achieve empathy

Would I rather be dense?

Ah, well, life is so good when I look up and around

…and maybe the news can be simply turned down.

Managing

Imagine managing life

with a lightness of spirit

Imagine noticing how much I worry

and then moving on to actually noticing all the things around me and getting on with living!

It seems like a way to be more relaxed maybe even less

focused on what is going wrong or what could go wrong

The world is always, has always and may always be amazing and wonderful and at the same time:  an utter mess; before I arrived, while I’m here and after I leave……..so perhaps my obligation to the world is to be an enthusiastic participant.

The principle of moral proximity rings true to me.  I can be concerned without being responsible for all the stuff all over the world.

I can’t fix it all and make everyone be kind.  Period.  On certain days, I can barely manage me!

Here are Kevin DeYoung & Greg Gilbert on this concept:

Moral proximity refers to how connected we are to someone by virtue of familiarity, kinship, space, or time…. The closer the moral proximity, the greater the moral obligation…. [This principle] reminds us that we can’t possibly be the same kind of good neighbor to everyone in the world, nor must we. Supporting AIDS relief in Africa is a wonderful thing to do, but a failure to do so does not automatically make a church in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, a gospel-less, selfish church. But if that same church did nothing to help their people when the river flooded in 2008, then they do not understand the love of Christ. Moral proximity should not make us more cavalier to the poor. But it should free us from unnecessary guilt and make us more caring toward those who count on us most.

From a day in September 2016 or Non lo so

Today I wonder if I will ever just relax

I wake up in the morning feeling tired

Go to bed feeling the same way.  

I ain’t nuthin’ but tired.  Yeah, I’m just tired and bored with myself.  Hey there baby I could use. just a little help

Wait, I just lapsed into a Bruce Springsteen song.

Meanwhile, I dreamed I had to maneuver through lot of obstacles to get somewhere — rocky stuff and hills that a person could easily fall off of and I seem to have made it through; but what was the point?  I do not know.  

Maybe it was that you can make it through the things you see as trouble.

You are strong.  It’s not that the obstacles won’t be there.  It’s that you will handle it.

Maybe it was a psychic thing — a few months after that dream, I broke my wrist on Mount Vesuvius! And I handled it!  Coincidence?  Non lo so.

 

 

Sewing Things Up

I stopped writing each day

and I gained weight and felt sad

Coincidence?  Likely.

But worth a shot to get back into the routine

All I need is a line a day

 

Snow Angel?

On a winter’s day

Lost in the perpendicular peripherals

Tripping over clutter and chaos

and finding my way back to the center

I wonder if…

Accounting Principals from cake

I wonder if retiring in the winter was such a good idea as a little cabin fever is creeping in.  Maybe it’s okay, though.  It is definitely a time to lay low and relax a bit….and a time to recuperate from a cold.  And maybe more importantly, a time to recuperate from the somewhat unnecessary scramble to wrap things up at work while preparing things for the transition from me to my replacement; all of which was actually stressful and difficult. I allowed other people’s poor planning to become my problem.   I won’t miss facing that particular situation. 

I wonder if I learned anything from that experience.  I feel a certain disappointment that my recommendations went unheeded…would have been a smoother transition, I do believe.  Ah, well…..it is what it is and they are what they are and I am what I am.

I wonder if I will pursue a part-time job in this retirement phase.  Ah, honey, I do not know.

I wonder if I will get started now with more “arty” pursuits.  I received a gift certificate for the Kalamazoo Institute of the Arts …. so I can take a class sooner or later.  Meanwhile, time keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’ into the future….which means spring is on the way and that is a good thing to anticipate. 

I wonder if I will be okay, be okay, be okay.  I say it could happen!

(“So many things I wonder.” — part of a song from Mixed Nuts movie)

 

I DON’T

Day fifteen of my retirement

and I am still a bit too concerned about what kind of problems are being had……

…….without me there

I have to keep reminding myself

I DON’T WORK THERE ANYMORE!

And I feel good about that fact, but I’m carrying on with a residual sense of responsibility for it all

I’ve had a few calls from them with questions and I’ve provided answers

and I worry that my answer might not be good enough

but I don’t want to get drawn back in because

I DON’T WORK THERE ANYMORE!

And I blame only me — not them– for the fact that I still feel some angst about the whole thing

They can ask anything.  I’m the one with the choices

and I can answer, or not, because

I DON’T WORK THERE ANYMORE!

…..and for my mental and emotional and physical health,

I need to just relax for awhile

and get over this cold, and see what unfolds

as I head down this uncharted road

I have shouldered a lot of responsibility for a hell of a long time

I gave (literally) years of notice as to when  I would be retiring.

I have earned the right to say no and if I hadn’t or haven’t,

it’s still not up to me to fix anything because

I DON’T WORK THERE ANYMORE!

And the people in charge might actually not be expecting anything more of me

This could be all in my own head

because they may understand even better than me that

I DON’T WORK THERE ANYMORE!

 

Be Okay–starting now

 

fullsizeoutput_a57see me

be

disconsolate

and

weary

even though

there is so much to be happy about

and so much that I appreciate

what is the deal?

why not just be okay while I am okay?

okay.