Category Archives: Thinking out loud

Sewing Things Up

I stopped writing each day

and I gained weight and felt sad

Coincidence?  Likely.

But worth a shot to get back into the routine

All I need is a line a day

 

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Snow Angel?

On a winter’s day

Lost in the perpendicular peripherals

Tripping over clutter and chaos

and finding my way back to the center

I DON’T

Day fifteen of my retirement

and I am still a bit too concerned about what kind of problems are being had……

…….without me there

I have to keep reminding myself

I DON’T WORK THERE ANYMORE!

And I feel good about that fact, but I’m carrying on with a residual sense of responsibility for it all

I’ve had a few calls from them with questions and I’ve provided answers

and I worry that my answer might not be good enough

but I don’t want to get drawn back in because

I DON’T WORK THERE ANYMORE!

And I blame only me — not them– for the fact that I still feel some angst about the whole thing

They can ask anything.  I’m the one with the choices

and I can answer, or not, because

I DON’T WORK THERE ANYMORE!

…..and for my mental and emotional and physical health,

I need to just relax for awhile

and get over this cold, and see what unfolds

as I head down this uncharted road

I have shouldered a lot of responsibility for a hell of a long time

I gave (literally) years of notice as to when  I would be retiring.

I have earned the right to say no and if I hadn’t or haven’t,

it’s still not up to me to fix anything because

I DON’T WORK THERE ANYMORE!

And the people in charge might actually not be expecting anything more of me

This could be all in my own head

because they may understand even better than me that

I DON’T WORK THERE ANYMORE!

 

January 1, 2018

It is January 1, 2018 and it has arrived right on time.

It is the first day of my retirement and so far, so good. I’m looking forward to not having to go to work tomorrow and driving in the zero degree weather and blizzardy snow. I am currently grateful for that and for a furnace that works and a husband who made it so as I take the first steps onto this next path.

And I calmly ask: WHAT CAN HAPPEN?!!!!

Befuddled

I want to get back to the mind set when I was a kid and didn’t worry about who got elected and what could go wrong because of it.

I would like to be informed but detached from the outcome.

Bewitched, bothered and befuddled am I!

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Now–Addesso

This could be the last best moment of my life

all mixed up in love and strife

This is true

all mixed up with what we knew

Every moment

all mixed up with calm and torment

Probably a good idea to relax and enjoy what is

all mixed up in angst and bliss

Right now

all mixed up in why and how

 

Pet Peeve

Just read some entries on a blog by someone else

Trying to expand my worldview a little way beyond myself

and the tone seemed to be mocking and condescending

A most superior person with each and every answer and opinions unending

who can barely tolerate anyone who thinks differently

or has a conflicting take on situations and how things could be

Seems so judgmental while criticizing others for being judgmental

I get the judging part and I think it’s fundamental

People do judge, will judge and occasionally must judge

but how about this?  This is an opinion of mine that won’t budge

Knock off the judging under the guise of having an open mind

while trashing anyone who won’t tow the party line

Another Day

I let my guard down

The rug gets pulled

It’s my own damn fault

Is what I’m told

I’m the one

who makes it bad

by reacting to words

and tones and gaffes

as if they all have specific meanings

and definitions and leanings

and aren’t just random

sites and sounds

Let it be for awhile

this is what I’ve found

given time and space

I’ll come around

and then

forget all about it

’til it catches me

again

while I’m looking the other way

later on,

another day

 

 

A Riddle

I awake in the night

uninspired

apprehensive

growing tired

jumping to conclusions

without a net

about what will happen

what will I get?

and how?

’til a thought trickles in, saying,

What about now?

I am well

truth to tell

in the midst of this life

So I say a little prayer

of gratitude

Give myself a dose

of latitude

and fall asleep

listening to that guy

What’s his name?

Is he deep?

as he explain things fully?

Was it Dick VanPatton

or

Eckhart Tolle?

 

Nothing Much

I am under the illusion

that it could be very good

while entertaining some confusion

as I almost always would

As I study on delusion

it begins to call me out

Do I over-rate my judgment

and my certainty

…and doubt?