Tag Archives: Self-indulgent

I wonder if…

Accounting Principals from cake

I wonder if retiring in the winter was such a good idea as a little cabin fever is creeping in.  Maybe it’s okay, though.  It is definitely a time to lay low and relax a bit….and a time to recuperate from a cold.  And maybe more importantly, a time to recuperate from the somewhat unnecessary scramble to wrap things up at work while preparing things for the transition from me to my replacement; all of which was actually stressful and difficult. I allowed other people’s poor planning to become my problem.   I won’t miss facing that particular situation. 

I wonder if I learned anything from that experience.  I feel a certain disappointment that my recommendations went unheeded…would have been a smoother transition, I do believe.  Ah, well…..it is what it is and they are what they are and I am what I am.

I wonder if I will pursue a part-time job in this retirement phase.  Ah, honey, I do not know.

I wonder if I will get started now with more “arty” pursuits.  I received a gift certificate for the Kalamazoo Institute of the Arts …. so I can take a class sooner or later.  Meanwhile, time keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’ into the future….which means spring is on the way and that is a good thing to anticipate. 

I wonder if I will be okay, be okay, be okay.  I say it could happen!

(“So many things I wonder.” — part of a song from Mixed Nuts movie)

 

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I DON’T

Day fifteen of my retirement

and I am still a bit too concerned about what kind of problems are being had……

…….without me there

I have to keep reminding myself

I DON’T WORK THERE ANYMORE!

And I feel good about that fact, but I’m carrying on with a residual sense of responsibility for it all

I’ve had a few calls from them with questions and I’ve provided answers

and I worry that my answer might not be good enough

but I don’t want to get drawn back in because

I DON’T WORK THERE ANYMORE!

And I blame only me — not them– for the fact that I still feel some angst about the whole thing

They can ask anything.  I’m the one with the choices

and I can answer, or not, because

I DON’T WORK THERE ANYMORE!

…..and for my mental and emotional and physical health,

I need to just relax for awhile

and get over this cold, and see what unfolds

as I head down this uncharted road

I have shouldered a lot of responsibility for a hell of a long time

I gave (literally) years of notice as to when  I would be retiring.

I have earned the right to say no and if I hadn’t or haven’t,

it’s still not up to me to fix anything because

I DON’T WORK THERE ANYMORE!

And the people in charge might actually not be expecting anything more of me

This could be all in my own head

because they may understand even better than me that

I DON’T WORK THERE ANYMORE!

 

Back to Peace

Wake up happy

Wake up sad

Think of all the good we had

Why spend so much time feeling bad?

Sometimes sad just seems to find me

Grabs me up and takes me down

Shakes me up and lets me frown

In random moments I remember

to bring my thoughts away from me

Do something fun or complicated

Let time pass with concentration

and trust I will get back to peace

 

A Bit of a Thought

 Feeling disgruntled from time to time

…….and I don’t realize just what gives.

Feeling gruntled seems better, by wide and by far;

but I’m not really sure what that is.

Obviously,  I had to research the meaning;

and it’s ” humorous, pleased, satisfied, and

contented”

So to wish to be gruntled is in no way

demented

Never heard that word said;  not one time; never said it;

But I will; very soon, and I shall not regret it

img_4356

 

IMG_5278So, anyway……I got a tetanus shot booster three days ago and my arm has been hurting ever since!  Finally hurting less and I now have hope that it will stop hurting very soon.  Also have been feeling a little achy/fevery and a lot tired – maybe related, maybe not. I don’t know if I’ll ever get another one.  I bet if you got a deep wound of some kind they’d end up giving you the shot again anyway.  Ah, well,  maybe it’s all worth it.

How this relates to the flower pictured here, I cannot say.  Maybe it’s a reminder of the cycles of life and this too shall pass and stuff like that.  Yeah, that’s it!

An Update

From my other somewhat neglected blog  (October of 2014)

So, anyway, you are about to embark on a journey…..

No, wait, that is not what I meant to say.

Here it is — much more self-centered than you and your journey:  I have now lost 28 pounds. 


Now, it may seem to you that it is taking me a long time to whittle down the pounds, but slow and steady is a GOOD way to lose weight.   I started out at 145 pounds and now I weigh 117 pounds and someday in the not too distant future, I will weigh 107 pounds!  So, there’s that.


I am just about five feet tall, if you need to know that.   Seems like people are so hesitant to tell you what they weigh so you never have context for your own size in the scheme of things, so I’m just putting it out there.


On a side note — on-the-side but quite significant — since I have cut back extremely on the occasions I dine out,  my blood pressure has gone down to an average of 115/65 instead of an average of 135/80.  This is quite a happy change!  Plus, I lost another couple of pounds.


It’s just extremely difficult to lose weight and maintain health if you frequently dine in restaurants.  SO MUCH SALT!!!! and sugar and fat just built right in to even the most innocuous foods!


I went from dining out four or five times a week to maybe one or two times a week…and I choose carefully, avoiding dairy and meat and keeping bread to a minimum.  

It’s tricky to eat out because restaurants love to put cheese in everything.  I’m surprised they don’t put cheese in the drinks they serve – as soon as they figure out a way to blend it, I’m sure they will.  Then people can order a diet coke with cheese , or a vodka gimlet with ricotta, or perhaps a coffee with cheddar and a double swiss.  

Check it out next time you look at a menu.  Many restaurants include cheese (aka SALT) with almost every single dish—it’s not even an either/or — you get meat AND cheese…chicken with cheese, fish with cheese, beefy cheesey sandwiches, cheese steak…even in the salads.  I know, I know, you can tell them to leave off the cheese, but the point is, it’s in EVERYTHING!  Do we really need cheese in every dish we eat?!  I know, there are some who would say we do.


I read recently that cheese is being pushed because people have cut down on drinking whole milk so the milk people have all this milk fat that they need to unload…….hence, the ubiquitous cheese ingredient in every processed food.  Cheese in crackers, cakes, cookies, frosting, potatoes, soup, deli salads, chips…..toothpaste (okay not in toothpaste–yet).


My rule of thumb…if a specific ingredient is listed in almost every processed food, it’s time to eliminate it.   It was a gradual process:   I started out eliminating hydrogenated fats (in most breads until fairly recently); then sugar; then soy (still in almost every kind of bread and many snack foods and soups, etc); then corn derivatives of one kind or another; then xanthan gum and guar gum, natural flavor (too non-specific and some natural flavor sources are downright creepy).  It starts to be a matter of principle to me; it can’t possibly be healthy for every bite of food to contain the same processed, nutritionally bereft ingredient.  Before you know it, processed foods are out of your day-to-day life completely and it happens fairly painlessly.  

I used to eat Twinkies on occasion until I started eliminating hydrogenated oils—the massive amount of sugar, the list of unpronounceable ingredients that in no way resembled food didn’t faze me, but I was determined to ditch the hydrogenated oils, so I would read the ingredients and set it back on the shelf.   I can do one thing at a time. One step at a time actually worked; it simplified the whole process.

After awhile, you don’t miss ersatz food-like substances, you don’t even like them anymore.  I’m not even kidding around.  Plus, you have the benefit of feeling better every single day.  Even anxiety symptoms have been reduced, along with aches and pains and skin conditions.  It’s amazing what a nutrient-dense diet can do.  It’s not even all about the weight.

People have commented to me that they just couldn’t live like this; they must have cheese, for example, in order to be happy.  I THOUGHT THAT, TOO!  Turns out, you change and you thrive, and then you think,  I can’t live like I used to live, this feels too good.  


Now, if I keel over tomorrow from not eating enough junk food, I will be proven wrong.


“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.”

-Lao Tzu

Another Day

I let my guard down

The rug gets pulled

It’s my own damn fault

Is what I’m told

I’m the one

who makes it bad

by reacting to words

and tones and gaffes

as if they all have specific meanings

and definitions and leanings

and aren’t just random

sites and sounds

Let it be for awhile

this is what I’ve found

given time and space

I’ll come around

and then

forget all about it

’til it catches me

again

while I’m looking the other way

later on,

another day

 

 

Gallery

A Study

For the Moment

On the non-metaphorical treadmill:

After walking and running a little and walking and running a little, etc….

I DO feel better, at least for now (which I keep hearing is all we really have);

let’s see if this is a pattern.

IMG_4834

Get Moving

I just remembered to remember that exercise is often the key to beating the blues

so I’m on my way ……..

This is only a test.

Let me see if it works right away.  Instant Karma.

Please hold.