I wonder if…

I wonder if retiring in the winter was such a good idea as a little cabin fever is creeping in.  Maybe it’s okay, though.  It is definitely a time to lay low and relax a bit….and a time to recuperate from a cold.  And maybe more importantly, a time to recuperate from the somewhat unnecessary scramble to wrap things up at work while preparing things for the transition from me to my replacement; all of which was actually stressful and difficult. I allowed other people’s poor planning to become my problem.   I won’t miss facing that particular situation. 

I wonder if I learned anything from that experience.  I feel a certain disappointment that my recommendations went unheeded…would have been a smoother transition, I do believe.  Ah, well…..it is what it is and they are what they are and I am what I am.

I wonder if I will pursue a part-time job in this retirement phase.  Ah, honey, I do not know.

I wonder if I will get started now with more “arty” pursuits.  I received a gift certificate for the Kalamazoo Institute of the Arts …. so I can take a class sooner or later.  Meanwhile, time keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’ into the future….which means spring is on the way and that is a good thing to anticipate. 

I wonder if I will be okay, be okay, be okay.  I say it could happen!

(“So many things I wonder.” — part of a song from Mixed Nuts movie)

 

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An Inkling of Cautious Optimism

via Daily Prompt: Inkling

I had a bit of an inkling

           as to what is required

but less of an inkling

           now that I’ve retired

I look forward to exploring

           with a dollop of dread

while visions of happiness

           dance in my head

With an inkling of mortality

           and an inkling of life

Expecting the joyful might

           outrun the strife

 

 

 

Be Okay–starting now

 

see me

be

disconsolate

and

weary

even though

there is so much to be happy about

and so much that I appreciate

what is the deal?

why not just be okay while I am okay?

okay.

 

She

She, they all said at her funeral,

was strong and carried on without complaint

     in the face of adversity.

Dealt with difficult times

     with admirable stick-to-it-iveness and optimism.

She, they all said at her funeral,

     loved life and traveling and painting.

What might they say about me

     in some future and similar scenario?

She, they might say at my funeral

     was strong and complained fairly often

          in the face of adversity.

Dealt with difficult times

     with stubborn resistance and eventual acceptance.

She, they might say at my funeral,

    loved life and staying home and writing

and watching Netflix

 

 

 

It Occurs to Me….

It occurs to me

That I need not be

Accountable on any date

For every possible twist of fate

Responsibility has its place

And doggedly persevering

can win the race

But….

Advice to me was recently given

That there’s a time in space

For being driven

And…

This is something good to know:

There is also a time to

LET. IT. GO.

Anticipate

via Daily Prompt: Anticipate

What can happen?

Who  can say

     As I flounder through the day

Seeking to be well-aware

      of all the good

I’m almost there

     and if you look,

it’s everywhere.

Appalling stuff has such a draw

     all the news that’s fit to awe

it shouts and beckons

    with screaming hues

           attempting to distort all views

Enough, enough

I choose to find

     some wisdom ways

        to calm my mind

Perspective and context

       a path to grace

Anticipate this joyful place

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SLEEP is a word that looks funny to me at the moment for some reason

Good Night, Gracie

Insights abound

and perspectives are found

and still I find myself thinking around

       in circles and tangents in more than one bound

Awakened abruptly mid-sleep in my bed

and wondering where all the insights have fled

and why do I still get these feelings of dread

with unwelcome thoughts that pop into my head

Ah, well, it’s a cycle, it’s a pendulum swing

Last night I was laughing a lot in a dream

An optimistic upheaval; a paradigm shift?

A chance that I’m finally catching the drift?

Look at these thoughts that give me no clue

and the awful imaginings that have seldom rung true

See them clearly for the imposters they are

Seemingly logical, yet impossibly vague

Midnight meanderings are usually wrong

That’s a real thing that some scientist said

Not at your best when lying down half asleep

Counting back from a hundred with some rag-taggled sheep

Practice relinquishing future prediction

What a collection of unvarnished fiction!

This is a welcome and pure benediction

Say goodnight; give way to sleep’s jurisdiction

Marching by Myself

I felt light yesterday

the sun shone and called me away

Today jumped in and turned it all inside out

the sun lurked sullenly behind the rain clouds

and it’s not easy to have the sun out there

all lurk-y and sullen

just beyond reach

And it’s not easy to be at odds with it all

marching to a different drummer

every

single

time

 

 

Kicks

 I’m consistently trying to figure things out

I wonder and wander through pages of doubt

After resolving an issue or two

Seventeen others arise into view

It’s exasperating and challenging and stupid and fun

with all sorts of emotions rolled into one

Mostly, I’m grateful for how things unfold

It could all wind up tragic

if truth would be told

Surely that’s life

It goes up

It goes down

My goal is to greet it with less of a frown

We are all kinds of brave as we face-off each trial

and our arms are wide open as life kicks us a smile

 

 

 

Crossed Words

I haven’t said a word

since long before I knew

I haven’t heard a thing

 I hadn’t learned from you

I haven’t told a lie

that wasn’t partly true

I’d like to be a joyful soul

I’d like to find a heartfelt goal

I’d like to recognize the good

the sweet and the sublime

I’d like to do that right away

While I still have the time